Work of Art

"We are, not metaphorically, but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something which He will not be satisfied unitl it has a certain character." C.S. Lewis-The Problem of Pain

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. - Hebrews 12:7-11

"God wants to give something, but cannot, because our hands are full, there's nowhere for Him to put it." St. Augustine

"And therefore He troubles them, warning them in advance of an insufficiency that one day they will have have to discover. The life life to themselves and their families stands between them and the recognition of their need; He makes that life less sweet to them. I call this a divine humility because it is a poor thing to strike our colours to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing to come to Him as a last resort, to offer up "our own" when it is no longer worth keeping. If God were proud He would hardly have us on such terms: but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is "nothing better" now to be had." C.S. Lewis- The Problem of Pain

My friend Seth and I have been reading and discussing C.S. Lewis' Problem of Pain. The last chapter hit me where I was. Life got crazy. Work got crazy. Kids at work were out of control. They have such huge issues in their lives that I can't fix. I was feeling inadequate and really hard on myself. Life in community was starting to wear on me. People all the time. Feeling like I wasn't good enough. So where did I go to fill my insecurities and holes. Two places, food and other people. I have come to realize that this are my go tos. Now, I've realized that both of these are needed and good. But, when I go to them expecting them to fill me, I continue to not be filled. When I get upset because people don't do as I wish, because people don't put ME as their first priority, it becomes a huge issue. I become prideful and selfish. When I want to eat everything in sight to fill some sort of control issue I have, it just doesn't work. So as C.S. Lewis talks about, pain pushes us to God because HE is the only one that can fill my need. It pushes into a better life, the life God intended for us. We realize that the way we are living is not that great. That maybe diving into the bible and truly finding the life that God calls us too really is better.
A friend of mine as been asking the question of us, "what do I need more then God?" For me it as been food and people. And God is starting to help me to realize that these things will not do it for me. C.S. Lewis says, "We are not merely imperfect creatures who must be improved, we are rebels who must lay down our our arms.... But to surrender a self-will inflamed and swollen with years of usurpation is a kind of death...Hence the necessity to die daily: however often we think we have broken the rebellious self we shall still find it alive." Now, I can't do this on my own. I need people around me to encourage me to die daily. But, when I put others as my focal point of my true need, it just doesn't work.
Thankfully, this time around, I didn't sink too far. God reminded me of this all early on and I didn't continue to find all my need in other things. But, that reminder to die daily is so real and so difficult. To realize that nothing will fill me except God and the life that He as for me is difficult but so necessary. C.S. Lewis early on in the book he talks about living the way God has called and that "Divine goodness differs from ours. It differs from ours not as white and black but as a perfect circle from a child's first attempt to draw a wheel. But when the child has learned to draw, it will know that the circle it then makes is what it was trying to make from the very beginning." So right now my circle is probably more like a square or maybe not even and identifiable object. But I'm learning to draw, it is a process, it is a journey. Sometimes I move forward, sometimes I move backward. But, I do know that the life that God is calling me too is far better then what this world has to offer. God calls us to a life of sacrifice and giving, not always easy, but so much better.
"But God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness."
Hebrews 12

Saving the World and Arguing with God!

"What are you guys doing?" Asked people on a dirty street in San Francisco.
A 7 year old with a glove on one hand and garbage bag in the other responded excitedly, "We're saving the world."
Our classroom spent time cleaning our corner of the city. Our plan was to go to the beach and help clean up from the oil spill. But, wisely, the city closed all the beaches. So instead we cleaned up our block. It was great. People gave great words of encouragement to our kids and our kids gave a great example what joyful service is. They raced each other with mostly smiles and laughter to garbage on the sidewalk to "save the world. They were an example of "doing something." I listened to a sermon a couple weeks ago and the pastor was saying that sometimes we see the greatness of the worlds need and get so overwhelmed that we get frozen and don't do anything. He said, "We can't do everything, but we can do something." The oil spill looks so huge and will take years to clean up, but we can do something. We can clean up the little corner of our neighborhood.
So some of you may be wondering what I ended up doing with the money God provided for me to give away. Well, it turned out much differently then expected. So the homeless guy that I had been seeing must have relocated for now, so I was back to square 1 as to what God wanted me to do with this money. So on my way work one day this week, I argued with God. I wanted to control the money. I wanted to control where it went to, who it went to, and make sure it was used for a "worthy" cause. He said, "just give it away. I'm in control, and oh, yeah, Nate, remember that you haven't always used what I have given you wisely, but I still provide for you." Ok, Ok, so in the midst of this argument a guy walks up and asks for money for food. Ok, Ok, God I get it. So I with shaky unsure hands give him some money still scared that it will get used for unwise things. He grinned and said that now he can go to McDonalds and have a real feast. Then I get to work and find out that one of our kids families is need of food, so I'm buying a food gift card for groceries.
Do I still feel a little uncomfortable about all this?? Yes, but this time, anyway, God said, "Just give. I'm in control."
God is teaching me a lot about simplicity and making more room in my life for Him and what He wants. It's tough sometimes. It means sacrifice I don't think I'm read for yet. It means a lot of trust that I don't think I have yet. Do I trust that God will really provide? Do I really trust that God will give me what I need? My desire for wants is still greater then for what I just need.
Lord, help to give up what I want to hold to. Help me to give up what I think will give me security, what I think I need to sustain me. Help me to give up security for what You want. I know that Your calling, Your way of life, is far better then what this world has to offer. Help to know this at my core. Help me to trust you. Teach me trust. Help me to give up control and give with great abandon. Help me to give up lovers less wild for you and your truly wild love.

The happens of Nate!

Hey everybody!
Well, here's an update of what's been going on in the life of Nate. I know again it's been a while since my last entry, so here's what's been going on since.
1. I experienced my first earthquake! It lasted over a minute but was only registered as a 5.6. But, it got my heart a pumping none the less!
2. I've started running again! It's been great! It gives me great energy and is great for my mind. I had to stop for a week because of some heel issues and really noticed a difference in my energy and state of mind! I've never enjoyed running until now!
3. I will be having a job change come Jan.! The IEP for the kid that I've been a 1 on1 for got rid of me. Basically, the public school district didn't want to or couldn't afford to pay me anymore. They actually wanted to get rid of me the day after his IEP, but our head teacher talked them into letting me stay through Dec. But Oakes wants to keep me, so they have created a position for me. Basically I'll be a float, go were I'm needed. Possibly doing some teaching in order to allow a couple teachers to have a planning period! It will provide great diversity in my job. I'm really loving it there. It continues to be tough, but really loving the kids.
4. God has again provided in a great way for me. So much that it brought me to tears. The apprentices put money away each month to put aside as God money. Do whatever we feel God wants us to do with it. We've been talking about Jubilee and the idea of wiping debts clean and a real God centered idea of economics. So the other apprentices decided that they wanted to help me pay off my debt. I felt extremely guilty at first, why should someone else pay off my stupid use of money. There are many other people in this world with greater need then me. But, I graciously accepted. With the idea too that this way I will be able to give more sooner! It has definitely helped put a better perspective on what I do with my money and use it wisely so I can give more.
5. With the rest of the money we are doing an experiment with it. We each have taken some in an envelope that we carry with us everywhere. We use it as we listen to God and His calling. We are praying that God open our eyes to the needs around us. We may take homeless out to eat, buy bus fare, ect. We want to make sure there is a relationship there, so we don't just want to give the money, but use to possibly form a relationship. So, when we take someone out to eat to eat with them, not just hand them money. We are super excited about it!! There is one homeless I guy I see almost everyday on my way to work that I want to start taking to breakfast. We'll see! I'll let ya know how it goes!
So, there are my top 5 things that have been going on with my life right now! I'm always growing which can be draining, but it is so good! Thank you who have given me continued words and prayers of encouragement! It means a lot!

Life isn't fair!

Well, this title may be a little misleading, but this week I've been thinking a lot about how life doesn't seem fair sometimes. I am blessed beyond measure compared to what many are living through. I haven't written much about work yet on here and thought it was about time I process some things about my job. I work at place called Oakes Children's Center. It is a school and center for emotional and behavioral disturbed kids. I was hired as a 1-to-1 Aide for one particular 7 year old boy. I am in a classroom of 7 students in the 1st and 2nd grade. We have 5 adults in our room. I never what to expect when I go to work each morning, something I like about my job, and something that's scary about my job. We never know what the day will bring when we 5 adults enter into Oakes. Each day is filled with moments. Some moments we get punches thrown at us, some moments we get swore at and called "motherf...." over and over, some moments we are told, "I hate you, I hate this school." Some moments we hear "I hate myself, I'm stupid, I suck." Other moments we hear "I did it!",or "I love you." Some moments we hear anger spewing from little mouths and other moments laughter. All this while trying to teach these little ones about math, reading, writing, science, and the art of being with other people. The longer though I work here the more I understand. The more I understand their anger. The more I hear their story from them and others in their lives, the more I understand what has brought them to the place they are now. The more I hear about some of their backgrounds and some of the people in their lives, I understand their mistrust of me and others. While I can't go into any details of their specific stories, they are heart wrenching and often bring tears to my eyes. And it brings me to say, "Life isn't fair." God has blessed me with great family and friends around me. I have shelter every night. I have food to eat, ect... The list could go on. But, God has placed me in this place for this time to learn to love those that haven't had such a life, I guess. A fellow teacher and me were discussing how we can best do that and the challenges it brings. How do we help them and give them hugs, and help them to eventually come through their circumstances to stand strong and take responsibility for their own life. We see so much potential in them and the people that they have been created. I pray a lot that God would work a miracle in their lives.

Nicaragua Revisted

Nicaragua Revisited

My trip to Nicaragua keeps coming back to me. Sights, sounds, and tastes here in the Mission continue to bring me back there. Hearing the Latino music, hearing the Spanish, worshiping in Spanish, eating fried plantains and beans, ect.... Another thing has brought me back to my time in Nicaragua: our study of the simplicity and the Kingdom of God. It just clicked for me this morning as I read for our study The Freedom of Simplicity. It clicked for me why I loved NIcargua and it's people so much. They are living the Kingdom of God in true simplicity, maybe part of it is not by choice, but they joyfully live simply. As I read the description of the early church from Aristides point of view I said, that's Nicaragua. "They walk in all humility and kindness, and falsehood is not found among them, and they love one another......If they see a stranger, they bring him under their roof, and rejoice over him, as if he were their own brother...And if there is among them a man that is poor and needy, and they have not an abundance of necessaries, they fast two or three days that they may supply the needy with their necessary food." This is what we, and those that have come before and after of us, have experienced in the people of Nicaragua. I will never forget when we finally, after getting behind schedule because of things out of our control and driving through rivers that had been formed by the downpour that had began and realizing that we would be a some hours later then expected, arrived in the village of El Rodeito. It was dark when we arrived and the thought crossed my mind if those that were supposed to greet us and all gone home. It was still raining and after dark in a village with no electricity and only candles and a few flashlights to light their path and homes. But we pulled up and saw light in the darkness. There was a gathering of Nicaraguans waiting for us with candles and guitars. Our greeting as our tired, weary, and nervous bodies got of the bus was a song to welcome us as brothers and sisters. After the song and welcomed as brothers and sisters of Christ, we went into different homes. We were asked to sit on chairs like princes and princesses while the family worked around us, placing our bags just so, lighting candles, getting our beds ready, and fed a meal of rice, beans and tortillas. And then after some failed tries at communicating in my poor spanish slept on cots or hammocks that were given up by family members that slept on the floor. In the morning we were again fed while the rest of the family worked around us getting things ready for the day and eating what was left after we had eaten our fill. My host dad and me eventually realized that we had music and guitar in common and played guitar together and taught each other a song or two. We spent the day playing in the river, playing soccer, and learning what life was like in this village. We ended our day by sitting around sharing music with each other and worshiping our God under the stars. It was night that I will never forget and will hold close to my heart forever. I am continually encouraged by it. Nicaraguans understand the Kingdom of God better then we do I think. Yes, they don't have much, not by choice, but they seem to enjoy their life as the body of Christ. The focus in on people not things. They care for one another and the stranger with joy!
The Lutheran Church is only 17 or so years old. But it is alive and well. When a need arises in Nicaragua they go and meet that need. The Lutheran Church has been very important in providing aid after hurricanes that have hit. They have gone into the villages and helped rebuild communities. Much of this was started by the young people in the Church that said let's go and help, not someone starting a program for such and such like we would in the states. They just went and did it. The Lutheran Church has been asked into these villages to start churches because they came in and cared and helped rebuild. They are the body of Christ to the world of Nicaragua. The meet needs and because of that the country is seeing the love of Christ in them and inviting them into their villages to be part of their life. Amazing!! I can't wait to return to Nicaragua someday and continue to learn what it means to be the Kingdom of God. I have learned much from them and can't wait to learn more!!

Thought on the Kingdom!

Ok, Ok, here I am! I'm finally back! I know it's been a long time! Life has been good. My job is good, but often draining. Community has been good! So the apprentices have been studying the Kingdom of God. So I thought I'd write a little about what I've (we've) been thinking and talking about. It has really been eye opening and challenging for me!! So here it goes.
First, thinking about the Kingdom of God has made me realize that I am not alone in this. And has actually given me some relief. I think many of us hear scripture like "You are the light of the World" and feel lots of pressure! I have to be the light to all the world. But, we learned that whenever the word "Ye" is used in the Bible, it actually means something like Ya'all. So it is more likely read, "Ya'all are the light of the world. Ya'all are a city on a hill." I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders!! AHHH, it's all of us together through Christ that we can do this. Of course, we all are little little lights in the dark places where we live, our job, our neighborhoods, ect.. And God of course uses as individuals, but it somehow helps me to relax that Jesus says ya'all!! We're all in together!
Next, we have spent an extensive time looking at the Torah, both in this study and our study of simplicity as a whole church. Well, me as good Lutheran, sees the law as what drives to say that I'm not good enough, that I can't do it on my own, and that the law drives me to the cross and God's grace. Yes, I still believe that this is 100% true! But, I've gotten another view on the law now too that I think is really important for us, as The Church, to look at. What did the law originally do for Israel?? Why did God give the Torah to them? Just for kicks and giggles so that they would realize that they suck?? Not so much. The Torah is a way of life. The Torah deals with their relationship God, their relationships with each other, and their relationship with their land. It is all encompassing. It set a pattern for life. And it is a good pattern. The Torah helped them live together.
The Torah also set them apart has a people living for their Living God and living differently then the rest of society. when all of Israel would come and gather in Jerusalem for the festivals it was for a whole gathering to worship God. Which in turn allowed the world to see who their God is. As Gerhard Lohfink says in "Does God need the Church?, Israel was showing the world it was“a people drawn together and assembled by God in which the differences between rich and poor, master and slave were eliminated; a people mindful of the saving deeds of it’s God; a people joyful before God and grateful for the gift of the land in which it can live.” Do our as The Church do this?
Lohfink also says this that Israel's focus was always to help the world see God.

“Israels faith is always about the world. Its desire is to bring more and more of the world under the rule of God. It’s wish is to transform the world entrusted to it by living the Torah, God’s social order, so that it will be clear to everyone how the will of God intends the world to be. Hence faith necessarily takes on a social dimension."

So some questions to ponder, that I've been pondering. Yes, our goal as Christians is to love each other and the world around us. This is number one. But, how do shape our lives individually that show our world who our God is. Do we hoard our stuff and money or do we trust that God is our provider? How do we spend out time?? And maybe this is the bigger question how do shape our life as the body of Christ to show that we truly are living for a God far different then what the world has to give? What do we spend our time as the church doing? What do we spend, as a church, our finances on? Do we show the world that our God is trustworthy by how we handle our resources? Do we show the world our God is loving by how we love each other? Do we show the world our God is a God of Joy by how we celebrate? I think Church of the Sojourners is a pretty good taste of some of this. Like I wrote in my last entry, we are a people trying to shape our life differently then the worlds.

I have to remind myself, because I sometimes swing wildly in a direction that I'm excited about, that God is still great concerned with the individual. For it is through individuals that the body is made. But, I even think of the parable about the Kingdom that talks about Christ leaving the flock to find one sheep. But, the goal is bring that sheep back to the flock. Yes, the shepherd and his individual sheep have relationships, but a sheep needs it's flock. We need each other. God needs us as whole to show the world who He is!

Being Intentional!

Greetings to all!! I pray that this finds you well and knowing that you are greatly loved by an incredible God! Well, I realize that I haven't written a whole lot about the community as a whole, what is it really about. I will write some things today and in the future so you can get an idea of what Church of the Sojourners really is about. I've been thinking a lot about the idea of being intentional. I have told people that I have moved into an intentional living community. Intentional, what does that really mean?? I am really excited about this aspect of this community. Are we just roommates? Not at all. We are a family that is taking part in the Kingdom of God intentionally. Things don't just happen because that's that's just what happens, but it is intentional. Ok, Ok. First the dictionary definition of intention:an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. It is on purpose. For example, our study of the Word of God happens habitually and intentionally. We do it at the same time every week. We study ever Tues. night, every Sun. together! Speaking of Sunday, Sunday is the Sabbath. We do it intentionally. Until 11:00 am, we spend alone in quiet reading, studying God's word, and prayer. Everyone's doing it, so we can keep each other accountable. The afternoon is for hanging out with the community, friends, or just doing something YOU ENJOY. Not working, not doing chores (Unless your on for Sunday cooking). Then we get together and worship and eat together at 4:30.
We intentionally eat together, which in today's society is unheard of. Our household eats together Mon, Tues., Wed. The whole church eats together Sun. and most Fri. So, it's not that we eat together when it just happens, but we say in our schedule that this is when we eat together. We take turns cooking, I cook every Thursday!! Which has definitely been a learning experience for me!
We pray intentionally together. Evey morning, Mon. through Fri., we pray together at 6:45. It gives us an intentional way of starting our day together. We pray the psalms, the Lord's prayer, and for each other. It becomes habit.
We intentionally celebrate. I think one is really cool. It is said that Celebrating is one of our praciices (I'll talk about those in the future.) We, on purpose, celebrate. It becomes habit. On of the guys here talks about it in the way of Dr. Seuss and the Who's from Who-ville in the Grinch that Stole Christmas. If they didn't intentionally and habitually celebrate by standing around the Christmas tree and singing every christmas, would they have celebrated after the Grinch stole their presents and trees. Probably not, but the gathered because that's what they do to help them to remember to celebrate. So we have times of year where we intentionally celebrate together, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kingship of our Lord and Yahweh(4th of July), decade birthdays, Easter, and retreats throughout the year. This is not unlike most church or family calenders I guess, but there is something intentional when it is said that this are celebration times. They make a huge deal of them. They spend tons of time to make sure they are celebrations.
And then, we try to intentionally love each other. I know that back in my life before Sojourners, I would love people, but I don't think it was intentionally. It just happened sometimes. Not all the time. But, here, we say that we will intentionally love each other. For example, we as apprentices (the newbies) have named aloud to each other 3 other people in the church that we want intentionally love this yeard. We are mindfully determined to love these people. Not that we don't love other people, but it just makes a difference when you say this what I'm going to do. Something you may want to try at home! Anyway, Church of the Sojourners is about being intentionally together to take part in the Kingdom of God together, which I will write about more in the future. Thanks to those of that read my ramblings. Some of them I'm sure don't make sense, but hopefully you will get something out of my ramblings! Love ya all!

God Provides!

Greetings everyone! Well, the last time I wrote God was teaching me trust. And again He proved trustworthy. DUH! Nate! It's amazing how I forget that. It's seems like He provides, sometimes how I don't expect, but He provides and then next time I come across a situation and I forget........... And then God provides again, again not always how I expect but He provides, and then I forget..... Well you get the picture. Well, a few things. In one of my first blogs when moving to San Fran to join this crazy community out here, I mentioned that it was hard to move on away from my family and friends. Well, although, I miss them greatly and think and talk to them often, God has of course provided new friends and family here at Church of the Sojourners. I was feeling a little, well, ok a lot home sick on my b-day, but I ended up having a great time! Of course! Went to a movie including a great time pushing our car down a busy street in San Fran trying to get to start after having left the lights on!! Wee, the car stories never end. Some folks had a bbq for me and ended the day sitting around a fire with a nice beverage and great convo! For those of you that know me well, it couldn't have had a better ending. So, God has provided family. I will write more on this later, but we have started small groups here which will focus on confession and forgiving, time for healing, and praying for one another. We just started them. Should be an intense but a good and challenging time together.
Well, I HAVE A JOB!! Again God provides. Well, since my car has died, and not having much money, God has provided a job where I get FREE transportation! I can a free shuttle from San Fran General, just a few blocks from my house, to UCSF Medical Center, just a few blocks from my new job!! I will be working as 1-to-1 aide at the Oakes Children's Center, a center for emotionally and behaviorally disturbed kids. It should be a great job. Seems like a great place where kids are really loved and encouraged. So..... God again provides!! DUH! NATE!! Someday I will learn!!
On a side note, those of who have not become Over The Rhine fans yet, well here is your chance. If you don't become fans after listening to this, then I don't know what well. This is OTR at their best. I get to seem them in a couple weeks here in San Fran!! I can barely stand it! It's too far away!! Anyway, find a loved one, a glass of wine or other favorite beverage and listen to this!! Please give them a try. ; ) You won't regret it!!
http://www.archive.org/details/otr2007-09-01.sbd.flac16

Ok, well, in the next couple weeks, expect some more blogs on the Kingdom of God, and what it means to find the Freedom of Simplicity! All things we are starting to study here at Church of the Soujoners! Oh, yeah, here is a link to the churches website.

http://www.churchofthesojourners.org/

lots of love!

Learning to Trust

Greetings everyone!! Sorry it's been a little while since I last wrote! Life seems to be busy, until today. Life as slowed down a little as I began to really do the job search thing. If you remember, please pray that God really leads in this area. I've been a little nervous about this whole thing. Which leads me to where I am today. Learning to trust. Learning to trust God, learning to trust those around me, and learning to trust myself.
So, I think I left you with my car being broken down. Well, this is the first way God is saying "trust me." It would have cost far more to fix my car then my car was worth, so after all the laughs we had on our way here, I had to say good bye to my car. So my prayer has been that God would teach me to simplify. In fact, that is what the church will be studying together, "The Freedom of Simplicity" by Foster. But, right now it seems to make things all the more difficult. Many of the jobs I was applying for needed a car. Which doesn't rule out these jobs, just need to look at how it's going to work. The church has around 6 cars that people share, so this is a possibility!

We spent last week in orientation with all the new people. Pretty much how we do life here at Church of the Sojourners. It helped me relax knowing some details of things work. So just a few things, I know a lot of you are wondering how this all works. We live in 4 houses and split into households. My household includes everyone that I live with. So there are 6 of us right now that live in The Florida House. We do morning prayers together Monday-Friday at 6:45. We eat as households 3 suppers a week. We share finances. This part is a little scary in that I don't really have much money currently. But, this is how it works. Everyone in the church lives at the same standard of living, no matter how much you make. So you have enough to pay your bills; tithe, rent, food (which really goes into one pot with your households), medical, loans, debt, ect..... then you get a fund of $275 a month for whatever else you want to spend money on. Then anything else is God's money. And we discern together how God wants us to use it, who to give to, ect....... So another way God is teaching me that what I have is not my own, to trust Him, and trust those around me.
We also function a lot with discernment together. One day we practiced group discernment as one of the new people discerns a job situation. It will be a growing time for me of really trusting that God will speak through those around me. Pretty sweet. The Apprentices (Newbies) will meet once a week to help each other discern life stuff. We will study together a couple times a week. And will also take turns teaching.
This weekend we got to spend at the Quaker Center near Santa Cruz in the redwoods. It was beautiful. It was the annual all church retreat, so it was a great time of studying together what it means to be family, playing together (we got sweet time playing volleyball, bocce ball, ultimate frisbee, and of course settlers, yep they play out here too!), eating and praying together. It was a great to begin to really get to know some people. I'm beginning to really feel connected here. Which is good!
So, here I am learning to trust in a whole new situation. Breath, Nate, breath, God is here teaching me and He is in control! It will be year of great growth, a lot of mistakes I'm sure, new friends, and I pray a new level of trust!

My New Home!

Here are some pics of my new Home!!


This my new home from the outside. My room is the first window from the ground!





This is the inside of my room!



This is the view from my room!


Well, today I'm working on my resume!! exciting, exciting. Time to look for a job. I do have one lead working with an environmental program that goes into the schools and teaches kids about the environment using reptiles!! So we'll see.
Tomorrow we start orientation. There are 5 other new people besides myself. A young adultish couple. They are really cool. I think I will get along well with them. They will eventually be in the room next to me, but he broke both legs in a motorcycle accident and is still recovering. So they are in a downstairs room for now. And there is also a women with twin boys. She is moving from Costa Rica. Another opportunity to learn Spanish!! Friday we go to a retreat center for a all church retreat in the redwoods somewhere near Santa Cruz. Some people from another community in NC will be here leading some stuff. They are some big names in the New Monastic movement. So it should be good. Miss you all. I will write again soon I'm sure.

Broken down!

Yep, my car decided to not work so well!! And yes, me and my car make friends where ever we go!! That's our new friend Woody!!

Thank God for wireless internet!!! Thank God for car dealerships and fix it places that have wireless so poor shlups like me can still write on my blog! Whoohoo!! Yep, my car decided it was tired. We had driven a long way together over the past couple days. And boy, let me till you did we have some laughs!! We laughed a lot at signs today. We laughed at the bigillion signs through Nevada that said, "Prison area, Hitchhiking prohibited." Why we found that funny, I don't know, but we did!! Then we pulled into Lovelock, NV!!!! I took a picture of this one!!


Where your love can remain locked!?!?! LOL!! What does that mean!! We had a good laugh about it though!!

We finally entered California!!



California sure is beautiful!!


Then it happened. I stepped on the gas. And nothing happened. My car decided we had had enough fun for one day. So I got to have a lovely over 1 hour conversation with a lovely women form Verizon Road Side Assistance. A tow truck finally arrived after the lovely Verizon lady finally caught on that I was in California and not SD. But, the tow truck came. Know that I look back on it, it was actually a pretty funny conversation!! But, thanks to her I did get a tow to a great place where I met my new friend Woody!! I should maybe think of a better name for him!! But he really like my facebook page. See he looks very interested!

Well, the great wonderful people from San Fran are on there way to pick up and my stuff. My car will get fixed on Monday!! Then we'll have to drive up next week and pick it up!! Well, there is my day. It actualy has been pretty good considering!!
Thank you all for your prayers!!

Driving!

Here I am in Wendover, UT!! If I only new it was the casino land of Utah!! Oh, well!! Well, I've driven 12 hours and have 9 left!!! Looking forward to finally getting there!!! What a day it has been though. Lots of ups and downs.
We'll start at the beginning of the day!! I left Rapid City this morning with tears in my eyes. Still in the letting go process!!! I got on the highway and panicked a little. It finally hit me that I was moving. So I texted a couple friends asking for prayers as I left. I got a text back that said "U can do this!! We are behind you and praying for you!" Well, needless to say I cried all the way to Hot Springs!! I was reminded of all of you that have been praying and have given words of encouragement to me over and over again!! Thank you all!! I was humbled.
Well, I put my Ipod on shuffle and it was pretty sweet on how God would bring certain songs up when I was thinking the same thing, or it was relevant to what was going on in my mind!!
One example that got me real excited about where God was leading me. It was an old Cadmeon's Call song, This World.

There's tarnish on the golden rule
And I wanna jump from this ship of fools
Show me a place where hope is young
And a people who aren't afraid to love

This world has nothing for me and this world has everything
All that I could want and nothing that I need

This world is making me drunk on the spirits of fear.
So when he says who will go, I am nowhere near.

And the least of these look like criminals to me
So I leave Christ on the street

This world has held my hand and has led me into intolerance
But now I'm waking up, but now I'm breaking up
But now I'm making up for lost time

I listened to it 5 times in a row while driving through Salt Lake City!!

Thanks to all of you that I got to chat with today!! looking forward to chating with some more of you tomorrow!! Well, it's time for bed!! And don't worry I won't write every day!!

Letting Go and Moving on!!

Well, it's about 1:30 am the night before I leave for San Fran. What am I doing? Actually it hasn't really hit me yet that I'm actually moving. It sort of feels like I'm just going on a trip and I'll be back real soon. So here I am moving on to the next chapter of life. Several things have come up as I have prepared to leave. One is that letting go is hard to do. I just listened to a sermon on letting go and the guy said that we need to let go of what we have to grab onto whatever God has for us next. But, he also said that letting go is often messy. It's messy because we don't like to let go of what we know and letting go means we are not in control anymore. I feel like I'm letting go of my life here in Rapid and not sure where or what I'm grabbing on to. I guess that's when I need to just grab on to the promise that God knows what's coming next and that he won't let me go. So am I really grabbing hold if He already has a hold of me??

Letting go is often hard because you have to say good bye to people. This has been hard and sometimes messy. Sometimes we build up walls to make it easier to say good bye. But, I've learned again that doesn't work very well. So forgiveness and love need to come into play again. Which is hard to do. It's hard to admit you were wrong and ask for forgiveness, but keeping the friendships are worth it. Friendships are worth the pain that they sometimes cause. The joy that friendships have brought me has been undescribable. The late night conversation over a beer around a fire, the laughs about nothing at all, the jokes that no one else gets, the games of Settlers played, the sometimes silence that is shared looking out over the city or up to the star filled nights, the hours of Guitar Hero played, the meals eaten together, the prayers prayed together, the mountains climbed, the rivers kayaked, the discussions about life, God, and what it all means, and the list could go on.

But, it's time to move on............ On to whatever it is God has for all of us. Not moving on from these friendships, just moving to a different place in them. Moving on to the unknown, the mystery, the new busy city, the new people and friendships, the thing that God has placed on my heart for awhile now. I think if I didn't do it I would regret it. So here we go................ letting go and moving on. It's sometimes messy, but as a friend of mine told me that when we move on to a new chapter it is almost always for the good and we learn again to trust in our big mysteries God that we sometimes don't get but we trust anyway. We let go of our control and let God do what He wants!! It's messy, but it's good. I'm a little scared, a little sad, but really excited!!

Transfiguration Sunday

Well, for those of you who have been around me through my decision to go to San Francisco know that I have not been totally excited or at peace about going. But, God finally showed me some things that have helped me to finally come to peace with the situation. I made my way through the motorcycles to Spearfish to go to church to see some friends. It just happened to be Transfiguration Sunday. I am like Peter. "Master, it is good for us to be herel; let us make three dwellings, one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijiah." I am comfortable here in Rapid City. "It is good for me to be here." Like I said before, I have a great group of friends and family that I have found difficult leaving. I feel safe here. I feel comfortable here. I have found great encouragement from those around me. God has given me rest. This has been great. We are meant to have "mountain tops." God brings them into our life to give us encouragement and rest. We get to see God in his glory, we get to feel blessed for all that God has given us. Life is good.But, God doesn't give us these mountain top times just for the heck of it. Sooner or later it is time to move. It is time to move from where we feel comfortable. It is time move into the plains and valleys. It is in these places that God calls us to help others experience their mountain tops. It is in these places that God calls us to love the unloveable and befreind the friendless. Again, I feel called to where life happens. For me this is San Francisco. Life for me is unsure. It is the unseen and unknown. What God has for me in San Fran I don't know yet. But, this is the plain and valley that I feel called to. So I will thank God for the time that He has given me to rest and feel encouraged. I thank you all for being encouragment to me. I will now move on down the mountain.

Nate Dogg's Blog

Whoopee!! I have now entered the world of blogging. What am I doing?? Anyway, I have started this blog to jounal about my move to San Franciso! Yep, San Fran. So Why am I moving to San Fran? I know a lot of people have been asking what is Nate really doing!?!?!?!? I will keep this short and sweet hopefully. I have been on quit a journey the past couple years. I finished up my time with Outlaw Ranch about 6 months ago. I loved my time there!! I miss it some days. But, my body just couldn't do it anymore. I was tired. Thank you to you all that affected my life because of our time together there. It was good.

Anyway, I have also been challenged much these past few years about how we go about doing this thing we call church. I have been rereading the gospels and thinking "what if Jesus really meant what he said?" To feed the poor, to befriend the friendless, to take in the widow, to love the unloveable, to live where life happens. In John 4 (those of you have lived around me this past year have heard me talk about this one) Jesus goes to where people need to feel loved. He goes and risks His reputation to make sure the samaritan women feels loved! He doesn't wait for her to find Him, He goes to her. Why then do we as the church expect people to always come into our space??? Why do we sit in our comfortable pews and feel safe there?? Isn't time we risk a little and get out there and actually live like Christ did. His life was certainly not safe. He risked to love.

I went through many stages including the possibility of going to Sem. to try to change things from the inside out. But, through much frustrating with the institutional church I have decided that for now I need to go and just do it.As Shane Claiborne says, "“We’re going to stop complaining about the church that we’ve seen and we’re going to be the church that we dream of……we’re going to learn to love like Christ did.” I'm done complaining, I'm done trying to convince others, I'm done talking. It is time for me to finally do. It's taken awhile, but it's finally time. So I'm moving to San Francisco.

I will be moving into a church that lives together called Church of the Sojourners. They live in 4 houses in the Mission District, a poorer neighborhood of San Fran. They combine their resources to live simply. My goal is to learn to love like Christ did. My goal is to spend my extra time and resources to help those around me. I know it sounds a little cultish, but I had the opportunity to visit in May and I really felt like this is where God wants me at this point. I have made a commitment to be there for the next year and then we'll see what happens after that. But, the church also says that we are together as long as God allows. Which means as soon as we all feel like it's time to move, it's time to move on.

I am most nervous right now about leaving my comfortable life. I have a great set of friends and family here in Rapid City which I am really struggling with leaving. But, again, it is time to move on. So here, I will "blog" about my time. If people read it great, if not that's ok too. It will a space for me to process. I will write what God is up to with me. I would love to here what God is up to with you too. So let me know!! And let me know how I can be praying for you all. I love you all. Thank for you support and love that you have given me. Thank for your understanding of my unsettled life that God seems to be leading me on. Maybe one day I'll settle somewhere for a while, but it seems like whenever I make plans, God changes them anyway. Thanks and we'll talk to ya'all real soon.