Work of Art

"We are, not metaphorically, but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something which He will not be satisfied unitl it has a certain character." C.S. Lewis-The Problem of Pain

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. - Hebrews 12:7-11

"God wants to give something, but cannot, because our hands are full, there's nowhere for Him to put it." St. Augustine

"And therefore He troubles them, warning them in advance of an insufficiency that one day they will have have to discover. The life life to themselves and their families stands between them and the recognition of their need; He makes that life less sweet to them. I call this a divine humility because it is a poor thing to strike our colours to God when the ship is going down under us; a poor thing to come to Him as a last resort, to offer up "our own" when it is no longer worth keeping. If God were proud He would hardly have us on such terms: but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is "nothing better" now to be had." C.S. Lewis- The Problem of Pain

My friend Seth and I have been reading and discussing C.S. Lewis' Problem of Pain. The last chapter hit me where I was. Life got crazy. Work got crazy. Kids at work were out of control. They have such huge issues in their lives that I can't fix. I was feeling inadequate and really hard on myself. Life in community was starting to wear on me. People all the time. Feeling like I wasn't good enough. So where did I go to fill my insecurities and holes. Two places, food and other people. I have come to realize that this are my go tos. Now, I've realized that both of these are needed and good. But, when I go to them expecting them to fill me, I continue to not be filled. When I get upset because people don't do as I wish, because people don't put ME as their first priority, it becomes a huge issue. I become prideful and selfish. When I want to eat everything in sight to fill some sort of control issue I have, it just doesn't work. So as C.S. Lewis talks about, pain pushes us to God because HE is the only one that can fill my need. It pushes into a better life, the life God intended for us. We realize that the way we are living is not that great. That maybe diving into the bible and truly finding the life that God calls us too really is better.
A friend of mine as been asking the question of us, "what do I need more then God?" For me it as been food and people. And God is starting to help me to realize that these things will not do it for me. C.S. Lewis says, "We are not merely imperfect creatures who must be improved, we are rebels who must lay down our our arms.... But to surrender a self-will inflamed and swollen with years of usurpation is a kind of death...Hence the necessity to die daily: however often we think we have broken the rebellious self we shall still find it alive." Now, I can't do this on my own. I need people around me to encourage me to die daily. But, when I put others as my focal point of my true need, it just doesn't work.
Thankfully, this time around, I didn't sink too far. God reminded me of this all early on and I didn't continue to find all my need in other things. But, that reminder to die daily is so real and so difficult. To realize that nothing will fill me except God and the life that He as for me is difficult but so necessary. C.S. Lewis early on in the book he talks about living the way God has called and that "Divine goodness differs from ours. It differs from ours not as white and black but as a perfect circle from a child's first attempt to draw a wheel. But when the child has learned to draw, it will know that the circle it then makes is what it was trying to make from the very beginning." So right now my circle is probably more like a square or maybe not even and identifiable object. But I'm learning to draw, it is a process, it is a journey. Sometimes I move forward, sometimes I move backward. But, I do know that the life that God is calling me too is far better then what this world has to offer. God calls us to a life of sacrifice and giving, not always easy, but so much better.
"But God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness."
Hebrews 12